Regret

So tonight I read a friend of a friend of a friend’s blog basically someone I don’t know in real life but I love how she writes.  She is a mommy of two boys and I love her honesty.  What she posted tonight was exactly what I needed to hear.

I felt like God was telling me to sit down and slow down tonight and I actually listened.  The last few nights have been especially challenging with Layton.  After work I have very little patience with him because I’m exhausted.  Basically if I am telling him not to do something he does it and then laughs and constantly disciplining him is hard and tiring.  Here is what her post was about.

Today was the first day of school for one of her boys and she wrote about how she wished that she could take back every moment that she felt overwhelmed, exasperated, frustrated or spent wishing that she had time to just be by herself.  If we had all those moments back we would have more time with our kids.  Then she wrote,  “Because tonight I realized that I became me when I had you. I don't want to be anyone else or spend time doing anything else but being your Mommy.”

That brought tears to my eyes when I read that.  This is exactly how I feel.  Becoming a mommy totally changes everything and I became Layton’s mommy the day I had him.  I will never be the same person.  One of his favorite things to tell people lately is “This is my mommy.”  This hit me like a ton of bricks for sure.  I saw one of my friends pin this on pinterest and I think it goes hand in hand with this post.

You can ask Clifton I’m all about getting things done around the house and I love to check things off the to-do list.  I have been especially bad about this lately because I feel like we have so much to do before the baby comes.  At night my focus is dinner, bath, books and then bed time for Layton so mommy can sit down and relax.  Last night I was looking forward to his bed time because he was driving me crazy and I just wanted some peace and quiet.  All he wanted was for me to sit down and play trucks with him or sit on the couch and watch an episode of Mickey Mouse after work instead of me worrying about cooking dinner right when I walked in the door.  He acts so much better when I spend quality time with him and I think he could tell I was frustrated with him last night because when we sat down in the rocking chair to read he said “Mommy I love you, you are so pretty” and he patted me.  These are the moments I will never forget.

I don’t want this to be me one day looking back at photos wishing I could go back and do it differently.  We are only given one chance at being parents and once our kids are grown and gone I know I will wish these crazy days were still here.  It is just so hard I spend so much of my time trying to get things done laundry, dishes, cleaning the house, working out, keeping up with this blog and the list goes on and on.  I’m so thankful I read this strangers blog tonight because I really needed it.  It is interesting how God chooses to speak to us.  Now I just need to remind myself everyday that life isn’t all about getting things done.  I’m going to choose to live in the moment.